When it comes to sex and relationships, we’re often lied to. We see these myths everywhere—on TV, in movies, in cultural and familial expectations. And even when we know they aren’t real, even when we know something is overtly Hollywood, those messages still somehow creep deep into our psyche. 

Even in conversations with friends who are aware of how they are subject to the same messaging, these expectations can make us feel like something’s wrong with us when things don’t measure up. But these lies, societal messages and judgments can seriously hold us back from experiencing genuine connection and pleasure.

So here are my top 10 lies society tells us about sex and relationships—and why we need to rethink… or better yet, think for ourselves instead of what others tell us:

1. “They should just know what you want.”
   If you’ve ever thought, “Why doesn’t my partner just know how I like it?”—you’re not alone. The truth is, expecting your partner to be telepathic isn’t fair to either of you. The best relationships are built on communication. Don’t be afraid to speak up about what feels good or what you need. Being open with each other will deepen your connection and make everything more fulfilling.
2. “You should come at the same time.”
   The idea of synchronized orgasms has been romanticized to the point where it feels like the ultimate benchmark for great sex. But here’s the reality: that’s just a Hollywood fantasy. It’s okay if you don’t orgasm at the same moment. What matters is the connection you’re creating together, and that it feels good in the moment. Let go of the pressure to perform and just enjoy the experience.
3. “People with vulvas should come from penetration.”
   This one’s a big myth. While some women/people with vulvas can experience orgasm through penetration alone, most of us need more—whether it’s clitoral stimulation, mental arousal, or both. Every person is different, and that’s perfectly okay. Stop letting this myth define your experience. What matters is that you explore and find what feels good for YOU.
4. “Sex is over when you come—or when he comes.”
   There’s this idea that once orgasm happens, it’s time to roll over and go to sleep. But in reality, sex isn’t a race. The end of the physical act doesn’t mean the end of intimacy. Cuddling, talking, or just holding each other close can be just as important as the act itself. Sex is about connection, not just a finish line. And either way, you deserve to come even if your partner finished first. In fact, if you have a vulva, maybe you can come many times…
5. “There’s one true soulmate out there for you.”
   We’re all taught to believe there’s one perfect person out there waiting for us. The truth? That’s a load of romanticized nonsense. While deep connections are real, there’s no one person who’s destined to be “the one.” Relationships are about finding people who align with your values, grow with you, and share in the journey (in whatever form that looks like for you). And that connection can come from many different places.
6. “Your perfect partner will never disappoint you.”
   No one is perfect. And expecting perfection will only lead to frustration and disappointment. The best relationships aren’t free of challenges; they’re about learning how to navigate those challenges together. Disappointment is part of being human—but it’s how we show up for each other in those moments that makes all the difference.
7. “Sex should involve only silence or moaning—talking or laughter will break the spell.”
   This idea that sex must be silent, serious, and sensual? It’s outdated. In reality, sex can be playful, fun, and full of laughter. Talking about your wants, needs, and desires—or even cracking a joke—can help ease nerves and deepen connection. There’s no “right” way to have sex, as long as both people are present and enjoying themselves.
8. “Sex doesn’t need sex toys—that’s for masturbation.”
   There’s a strange stigma about sex toys being “something extra” or only for solo play. But in truth, they can add new dimensions to partnered sex, enhancing pleasure and giving you both fresh ways to explore. Whether you’re experimenting together or just looking for something new, toys can open up exciting possibilities. It’s not about needing more—it’s about enhancing what’s already there.
9. “Great sex should always look effortless.”
   We often see on-screen love scenes where everything just falls into place, with no awkwardness or struggle. But the truth is, good sex doesn’t always come easily. It takes communication, exploration, and sometimes a little trial and error to figure out what works best for both of you. And that’s completely normal. Don’t let the idea of “effortless” sex make you feel like you’re doing something wrong if it doesn’t come naturally every time.
10. “If they really loved you, they’d always want sex.”
    There’s this idea that love and desire should be constant, and that if your partner isn’t always in the mood, it means something’s wrong with your relationship. In reality, sexual desire can fluctuate for many reasons—stress, hormonal changes, even just needing a break. Love isn’t about being available for sex 24/7, it’s about respecting each other’s needs and being there for one another, whether you’re in the mood or not.

What other lies have you been told?