Contents
activism after-care Asobi books coach connection consent depth desire deviant Distance education erotic gender healing health instensive intimacy Kinbaku kink life love mating mental-health mindfulness Murasaki neurodivergent non-monogamous non-monogamy pain Play polyvagal power processing queer relationship relationships sex Shibari slut somatics Space spirituality therapy Yukimura
Trauma, Triggers and Core Desires in Kink
There is an age-old debate in BDSM: Does trauma make us kinky? Can we play with trauma in kink? This question tends to elicit extremely divisive responses. If you survey people within the BDSM community to find out if they have a history of trauma, or a higher rate of mental health issues than the…
Why I Work in Intensives In Addition to Weekly Coaching
Because transformation needs space, not fragmentation. There’s a particular kind of exhaustion that can settle into the nervous system when we try to do deep work in tiny windows. One hour, once a week. Touching the edges, then rushing back into daily life. Opening something tender, only to close it again before it breathes. I’ve…
On “Asobi”- To give something play
A reflection on Yukimura ryu taught by Murasaki-sensei Asobi- To play 遊び (あそび) Sitting together on the tatamis, surrounded by a loose rope dropped to the ground after an exercise in playing with tension, distance and timing, we begin to discuss the concept of “asobi” or “play” in Japanese. Murasaki-sensei uses a small white board…
Recommended Reading List
I was asked recently for a reading list after one of my workshops. We were working on erotic embodiment and internal (felt) consent among other things. So I decided to pull together a list of my favourites. I’ll keep updating this list to expand the topic areas and books in coming weeks. Check them out!…
Why profound change requires profound connection to humanity
You can feel it, cant you? We are in a moment of profound change. A moment that will have more upheaval and rapid change than the human race has ever experienced before. And the very meaning of what it is to be human will be challenged. What makes us different than machines? What makes us…
Responsive Desire and Ongoing Consent
Consent is often taught as a binary- yes or no. And if a maybe is what comes up it should be considered a no. Unfortunately, real life is generally not a binary. Like many things in life (most things?) there is, in reality, a continuum of consent. It may be clear and “unambiguous” (I would…
The power of the erotic: Re-reading Audre Lorde
I was first introduced to Audre Lorde in my university Gender Studies class (classic, no?). At the time I was maybe 19 years old, freshly escaped from my religious and conservative upbringing. I knew, had always known, really, that I was different. But I couldn’t put a finger on it. I hadn’t been exposed to…
10 Lies, D*mn Lies, Society Tells Us About S*x and Relationships
When it comes to sex and relationships, we’re often lied to. We see these myths everywhere—on TV, in movies, in cultural and familial expectations. And even when we know they aren’t real, even when we know something is overtly Hollywood, those messages still somehow creep deep into our psyche. Even in conversations with friends who…
What is an intimacy and relationship coach and how is it different from therapy or counselling?
If you’re just getting started looking for someone to help you through relationship challenges, sexual dysfunction, a lack of intimacy or connection or a host of other related issues, it can be super overwhelming to know where to look. When I first started looking for a therapist I had no idea what the difference was…
What is jealousy, really?
When we talk about non-monogamy one of the first questions that always comes up is, “But don’t you get jealous?” There is often a false impression that if you do struggle with jealousy then you are somehow not good at non-monogamy, or shouldn’t try it; or that it doesn’t exist for non-monogamous people. Far from…
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